We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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