i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
