yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
