you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
