Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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