AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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