I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
