lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
