i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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