wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
