i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's blow job season.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
