He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize