I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
my poor anus
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
