You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
