Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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