in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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