Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
