guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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