i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
