I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
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