Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
