There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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