Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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