You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
not ubering you a puppy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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