Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
