Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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