I wish my penis had an off switch
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
