um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
