The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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