you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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