saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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