so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
