In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
you win again, gameday.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
