the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
