someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
