My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
