Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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