I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
