you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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