This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
