I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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