i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
