honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
