your room smells of hookers.
And success
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
