does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
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She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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