It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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