I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
