sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
