Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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