just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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