And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
