i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
