So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
