new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Barsexuality is the new black.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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