today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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