She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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