It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
