A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
