haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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