I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
