Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
