fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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