dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
