Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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