So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Alive.
So much puke
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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