Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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